Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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