the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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