There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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