Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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