I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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