real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
