Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
