Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
