This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
