Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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