It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
