i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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