I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
