He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
