i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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