I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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