My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
