don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
