yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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