This is not my ceiling
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
