yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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