Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
