my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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