I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
