i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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