Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He felt like a one man threesome
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
