So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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