I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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