she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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