it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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