After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
