and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
third nipple confirmed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
