i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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