Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
