I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He better not be in your backpack
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
