Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
