His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
