Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize