the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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