i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
