i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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