Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize