I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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