There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
