Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
