swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
