I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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