Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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