You smell like stripper and shame
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
