I'm going to jail i love you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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