If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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