first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
