Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
