I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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