Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
