Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize