He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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