How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
