That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
