U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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