We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
