Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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