Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You dont lie about slip and slides
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize