That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
