Just fell off a train. Bad.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She bit a glass in half.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had sex on a roof
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
