he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
