There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
