I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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