Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my shit smells like andre
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
