my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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