Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I looked at my own cervix.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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