if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
