there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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