You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
