you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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