My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just invented taco cereal.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
