I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
