I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
