She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
be right there i have to get my cape
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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