I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
