My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
