I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
