I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
