she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize