I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
