Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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