hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
