I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
