dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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