Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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