Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Still dying that you shit outside
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
