I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize