just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
