But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
