Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
