I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
