he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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